I Ran This Year (15)

Why I Got Back Out There

It’s tough for me to pinpoint exactly what the final motivation was for me to start running again. There was the night I broke a tooth in half biting a pretzel. I laid on the couch thinking “Is this the person I am? The kind of guy who can’t get a tooth fixed because he is too poor and embarrassed by his weight to interview for a job for the dental insurance?” That was a fucking low point, for sure.

It might have been when I was too embarrassed to meet up with one of my high school friends because of my weight so I had to make up an excuse about getting the COVID booster the day before he came to town.

It might have been when I started realizing the chest pains I’ve been having are probably a heart issue (this is another thing I’m too poor to have examined). Honestly, I think I’m past the point where anything I do is going reverse the damage being heavy most of my life has done. Fluctuating between 300 lbs and 200 lbs at least four times in the past 15 years probably doesn’t help either.

That last one is probably the most influential. I have a family history of heart disease, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. I’m nearing 40 years old and I’ve never had any of those checked. I know some people will consider this complete negligence on my part and I kind of accept that they’re right. I can’t afford to have them checked. Even if I did, I couldn’t afford to have any of these things treated.