I Ran Today (12)

R. James Miller
4 min readNov 29, 2022

“Every new run is your most important run because it’s the run you are doing now.” — Chris Bennett, Nike Running Global Head Coach.

I believe this is a direct quote from the Nike Running Club coach. If not it’s a very close paraphrasing. And it something I’m beginning to believe deep in my heart. Every run is important, but some might be a little more important than others. Today, is one that I feel might be the most important of my life.

If you read my last post, things have not exactly been going great for me the past few days. They have not gotten better since that last entry, in fact it got a lot worse. I was not able to get my car back until almost 2:00 PM today, which meant I lost out on 6 hours of potential work time to earn money for my rent this month. Then I had the car back for about 3 hours before I started it, heard a loud clunk and then the squealing sounds of a serpentine belt that had come loose. Popping the hood, I could clearly see the belt was not broken but had slipped off the pulleys where it normally rests. Which means the shop probably failed to tighten it correctly.

I was able to get off the freeway and onto a neighborhood road where I called the shop and had a tow truck sent. So I lose out on all the hours I was going to work tonight, plus more hours in the morning because the shop was closing by the time the tow truck dropped my car off. All of this means, I’m basically fucked for trying to make rent this month…and that means I have to do my least favorite thing in the world: Ask my parents or brother for help.

I fucking hate it. No part of me ever wants to ask for help from anyone. If I thought my survival skills were up to par, I’d gladly isolate in the woods away from any potential situation where I might need help from anybody else. It makes me feel worthless. I’m trying to survive. I want to do it all on my own, but I constantly get knocked down when I think things might finally turn around.

To make matters worse, this only provides fuel for people to tell me I need to stop doing gig work and get a real job again. I wish it were that simple. One of the reasons I started running again is because I’m ready to get a new job but I can’t fit in any of my work clothes and can’t buy…

R. James Miller

Mental health, emotional wellness, opinion, & travel-focused writer. Writing about my weight struggles, personal growth, and wanderlust.